How to Build Better Habits

When starting a new habit, such as exercising regularly, the story you tell yourself about that habit can significantly influence whether you stick with it. Think about this scenario: You begin your fitness journey with excitement, thinking, “I’m going to get fit, feel amazing, and transform my health!” That positive narrative fuels your enthusiasm and motivates you to take action.

But what happens when your initial excitement fades? Perhaps one workout feels exceptionally challenging, and suddenly your internal dialogue shifts to, “That was brutal. I don’t know if I can keep this up.” Or maybe you miss a couple of days due to a busy schedule and start thinking, “I’ve already failed; maybe I’m not cut out for this.”

These narratives, while seemingly innocuous, hold immense power. They can either propel you forward or derail your efforts entirely. Understanding and reshaping the stories you tell yourself about your habits is a critical—and often overlooked—skill for long-term success.

Why Stories Matter More Than You Think

Humans are natural storytellers. We constantly interpret our experiences and weave them into narratives. These stories aren’t objective truths; they’re subjective perceptions influenced by our emotions, past experiences, and expectations.

When it comes to habits, a negative story can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. For instance, research on self-determination theory suggests that intrinsic motivation—doing something because you genuinely enjoy it or value its benefits—is key to sustaining habits. 

Conversely, a positive story can foster resilience and keep you engaged even when challenges arise. Recognizing and reshaping your internal narrative allows you to reclaim control over your habits.

 

How to Rewrite Your Habit Story

Here’s a simple yet effective process to shift your narrative and create a story that supports your goals.

Take Stock of Your Current Story

Ask yourself, "How do I feel about this habit? Am I excited, discouraged, or indifferent? Do I view this habit as a chore or an opportunity?"

These questions help you identify the underlying story you’ve been telling yourself.

Focus on What You Love About the Habit

Shift your attention to the positive aspects. Celebrate your progress with statements like, “I’ve already completed three workouts this week—go me!” Appreciate the benefits of your new habit by saying things like, “I feel more energized and accomplished after exercising.”

Balance Positivity with Realism

While it’s important to focus on the good, acknowledging challenges can add authenticity to your narrative. Instead of saying, “This is easy,” try, “This is tough, but I know it’s worth it.” This balanced perspective helps you stay grounded.

Practical Exercise: Crafting a Positive Habit Story

To start reshaping your narrative, try reflecting on thoughts like these when engaging in your habit:

• “This habit makes me stronger and healthier.”
• “I’m proud of the progress I’ve made.”
• “Even when it’s hard, this habit is improving my life.”
• “I’ve learned so much about myself through this process.”

By consistently focusing on these affirmations, you’ll create a story that inspires and sustains you.

The Bigger Picture

Building habits isn’t just about willpower or discipline; it’s about creating an environment—both external and internal—that supports growth. Your internal narrative is a powerful tool in this process. By becoming the author of your habit story, you not only increase the likelihood of sticking with it but also transform the way you experience it.